The Metaphysical and Spiritual Understanding of Extramarital Affairs


    In the bigger picture, we are complete Spiritual Beings. We are made up of the same substance as is The Divine. There is nothing missing from us. We are all that God/Goddess/Universe is. We cannot be added to, because we are All That Is.

    We are human, because we have temporarily hidden parts of our awareness from our conscious minds. Spirit is Omniscient, Omnipresent and Omnipotent. Being human, we work through the limitations of a human mind and human emotions. Until we relate to being the Fullness of the Universe once more, by default, we find ourselves in human situations and worldly scenarios. Rather than allow our miseries to overwhelm us, it might be interesting to look at our situations in a different way.

    As humans, we are so ready to justify our negativity and limitations, under the guise of some sort of “lesson”. If the bottom line is that our True Nature is Love and Completeness, how is any situation based on feeling limited any sort of lesson? Our minds were not meant to take huge quantum leaps in awareness. As a theory, it can be a nice idea, but it might be counterproductive to “believe” in huge leaps. The human personality finds lasting changes in smaller steps. Creating long-term, lasting changes in belief comes from making smaller adjustments, rather than attempting drastic changes. I would like to propose that there are not so much lessons in worldly scenarios–based on personal shortcomings–as much as the Truth of the “lesson” is that we have the opportunity to realize our Complete/Spiritual nature in every life situation.

    As humans, we find ourselves in a variety of life situations. We find ourselves embroiled in all sorts of negativity. While being part of an Infidelity Triangle is not the only or most extreme scenario that some of us find ourselves in….it is one of the many situations of life that we can use to propel our self-evolution.

    We find ourselves in our particular life scenarios, with all of their specific details, for basically two reasons–the manifestations match the attitudes, thoughts and feelings that we have been carrying….or we can use those particular details of a life situation to push against and spiritually blossom in the process.


    Metaphysics and spirituality have their own sets of foundation beliefs.  No one is obligated to believe that we create our lives through our personal energies, even if only by default. No one is obligated to accept that we can take our life situations as springboards for personal growth, rather than remaining in one’s current emotional state.  Complaining about our current negative situations has not worked and we keep finding ourselves in similar scenarios, generation after generation. It does not work to just say that particular situations are bad and that we should not be in them.

    As adults, we find ourselves in undesirable and less-than-desirable circumstances. Some circumstances are so common, they are almost their own norm. Perhaps looking at them from a metaphysical angle and working with them through metaphysical techniques might make some sort of change in the individual. As an adult, placing responsibility on any other adult for one’s feelings has not made any sense. One adult blaming another for their feelings is never nearly as healing as taking responsibility for one’s own happiness.  As metaphysicians, each person can empower themselves to be more comfortable in or leave the situation as they see fit.

    It is possible to be in an open or polygamous relationship. When everything is out in the open between consenting adults, the types of negativity are very different.  This is not always the case.  Instead of denying the occurrence of an Infidelity Triangle, let us meet it head on as conscious beings, when it does occur.

    In an Infidelity Triangle, there are three possible positions. For purposes of keeping the positions clear, we will refer to them as The Other Partner, The Lover and The Spouse. For purposes of being constructive, we will avoid terms like “cheating” because such terminology brings the reader back to judgement and disempowers the reader from making any constructive changes in their participation and personal perspective.

    Regardless of gender, The Other Partner is the participant outside of the main relationship or marriage. The Other Partner participates in the extramarital affair with The Lover. (The Lover is the one that is married or principally involved with The Spouse, as their main relationship.) The Other Partner might get involved in the extramarital affair for a multitude of reasons–positive and negative. For purposes of self growth and healing, we will not focus on the positive so much, but instead focus on correcting the negative reasons.

       The negative aspects of being The Other Partner could come from being unable to be a part of a monogamous relationship, where one is the only focus of The Lover. The metaphysical remedy could be to cultivate more self worth. The default settings in one’s psyche could be that one never assumed that one would be the most desirable in a lover’s life. It might have never occurred to one that they would be enough to satisfy a romantic interest or life partner, completely. Prepare meditation space by cleansing space and casting a circle. Do everything else appropriate, as feels correct. In your meditation, perceive yourself as the most attractive creature that you can. Do not worry about physical appearance–focus on having the most attractive energy that you can.

        Be very aware of the energy that emanates from you. Without forming any solid imagery of any particular people–be aware of how your energy is extremely attractive to others. Be aware of the feelings of other partners reacting favorably to your energy in ways that make them want to devote themselves to you.  Take the time to muse on positive qualities that others perceive and enjoy within you.  Repeat this exercise, often.

       Another possible negativity that could be manifest in the position of The Other Partner is that they have set themselves up to participate in a dramatic confrontation with others. This can simply be a default setting, because one is used to the idea (on some level) of being caught up in confrontations with others. To avoid this, practice extreme grounding and shielding, keeping in your personal energy no matter what happens around you.

       Throughout the day, in meditative space and outside of it, be very aware of the energetic roots that connect your energy system to that of Mother Earth’s. Feel how strongly you are rooted to the Earth. Feel how grounded you can feel. Feel how extra, nervous, negative energy slides down so easily and is absorbed by the Earth. Be very aware that Nature Herself has also provided you with an energetic shield, that protects you from all incoming emotional and mental energies. Feel how solid this shield is, as it keeps any and all emotional and mental attacks from you. Without allowing the images of any specific people to form in your mind, be aware of how there might be dramatic/negative interactions in the world around you….but that with the grounding roots and your energetic shields, everyone else’s energies do not seem to affect you.

       Practice being unaffected by the negativity of the world around you.

    Concerning the position of The Lover, some possible negativity might come from the idea that we can’t fulfill all of our relationship needs in one person. (The Lover needs to be in relationship with their Spouse and The Other Partner.)  This idea is related to the concept that we need other people to fulfill our emotional needs. While it is nice to be able to relate to other people in positive ways in positive interactions–as humans, we have this idea that emotional fulfillment only comes from receiving specific responses from the human beings around us.

    In light or formal meditation, allow the images of significant others to surround you–allow all significant others, past and present to appear. Center and allow yourself to realize that every person that comes into your life is reflecting the good qualities that you possess within yourself. As pure spirit, you are the macrocosm, the totality and the completeness of The Universe. Any good you see or perceive in others is a reflection of the good within you. When you “want” something from another adult, you are projecting that particular quality into that other person and ignoring that very quality within your personal energy. For example, when you need Validation from a spouse and/or a lover, you are not acknowledging the Self Validation that a higher aspect of your Being has for yourself. The Self Validation is a constant presence and needs no activity or action to justify its presence.  Your soul approves of you at all times, whether your human personality is aware of it or not.


    Other questions that you may ask yourself in meditation and journaling are:  Is there any need to create drama just for the sake of drama? Does it seem normal to have drama or confrontation?  Is there any need to become a sort of villain to others? How much of a need is there to have to choose between two options that will leave one lacking something after one option is eliminated? Do you feel the need to have some bittersweet or melancholic memories and feel the loss of someone? Is it possible to be in life situations in which everyone is fine, no one is hurt and everyone wins?

    The third and final position is that of The Spouse. This is the one that is the primary relationship partner, not included in the extramarital affair. Negative aspects of being in this position could be the need to be the victim. What are the payoffs of being “the victim”–sympathy from others? Commiseration with other victims? The justification of immersing one’s self in negative emotion or dramatic expression?

    Possible causes for being in this position could be that one needs to justify feeling like one is not enough for The Lover. Low self esteem is not the same thing as humility….and is not something to coddle or celebrate.  In light or formal meditation, become aware of moving in the vastness of your own hidden energy. As you become aware of your personal resources, allow yourself to feel like a Complete Being–mentally stretch beyond this concept and imagine what it would be like to be “beyond Complete”. As you contemplate your hidden resources, allow yourself to daydream on OTHER people perceiving you as the perfect marriage partner. In this meditation, allow yourself to feel what it would be like to know OTHER people felt happy, loved and satisfied in your presence. Allow yourself to imagine feeling other people being in love or enamored with you. Imagine what it would be like to be completely in love with yourself.

    Repeat meditations in all three positions of the Infidelity Triangle.  Keep a diary and record your experiences and insights.

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What are the realistic limitations of Magick? Actual Sorcery vs. Role Playing

  • This answer seems to lie on a sliding scale. Just as there are a number of magicians, there are a number of responses to this. The answer is very individual. The limitations rely on the magician, themselves. What is Magick? My working definition for Magick, at this point, is that magick is the conscious effort to solidify desire or imagination into personal experience.

        A magician is not a God.  A magician is not someone who is always able to transform an unwanted set of circumstances into a desired set of circumstances. A magician is someone who has somewhat of a grasp on how desire is projected into reality, a basic understanding of the mechanics….not that they can always make it happen, but that they apply techniques to influence circumstance and are constantly refining the processes that let them accomplish that more often and on a grander scale.  Some people are better than others at magick–not because there is anything such as natural talent or “more power”.  Internally, a better magician has less psychological limitations that are contrary to the manifestation of the desired outcome.

       For those of us who are basically self-taught, we might have come to books on magick. As beginners, we are excited as we read the basics, looking forward to successfully manifesting each spell into solid reality. We adhere to the principles of magick for years, sometimes manifesting our daily desires, sometimes not. From the outside, we might receive criticism because non-magicians think that we should….or think that we believe that we do….manifest concrete results EVERY time we perform an act of magick.

    Are we unrealistic and over-confident….are we deluded?

       I’ve tried to be an atheist and view the world as a complete materialist. The experiences I have with clairvoyance, clairaudience and having detailed “petitions” manifesting exactly the way I wanted them to give me a clue that magick works….when conditions are right.

    As far as “conditions” go–I don’t believe in the basics of correspondences having to be perfectly accurate in order for a manifestation to occur. I’ve completely cast spells during the “wrong” moon phase, “wrong” day, lacking the “correct” herbs, oils, and ingredients and still had my petition granted.  I’ve performed with and without props.  New Age, Christian mysticism and other “mental magick” types of manifestation-techniques have worked for me without using any sort of physical tools.  There have been times when I simply petitioned or stated my desire, visualized, written or spoken. The state of being that I was in….the certainty or conviction that something was so, was all the fertile soil I needed to plant my desire in.

        Beginning instructions on magick can be so hit-and-miss. Spells might work, sometimes. Techniques might work, sometimes. Some teachers hint that the magick or the spirituality that is sometimes born out of magickal workings, will transform the magician. It is not explicitly stated that the magickal working succeeds because of the personal transformation of the magician–that at a certain level of consciousness, more magickal workings will manifest more often. In some metaphysical teachings, it is believed that the personal world is a projection (or reflection) of the thoughts, feelings, conclusions and beliefs of the individual. This includes all conscious and subconscious aspects, including those that are in the psyche by default–left over from childhood and those concepts that are subconsciously accepted as true….”the way that things are”.

    The question is–why can’t we manifest what we want every time we perform a magickal act? (And before it comes to mind, using the excuses of incorrect astrological phase, lack of corresponding herbs/oils/stones and other external props or conditions are just that–excuses.)  Magicians can manifest with a lack of supplies or without proper/traditional timing that corresponds to the nature of the working.


    When we manifest some event, circumstances or objects just as we had intended, it is equivalent to a beginning baker cooking a batch of cookies–some cookies come out perfectly, part of the batch comes out fine, sometimes all of the cookies are fantastic and other times….everything in the oven is burned.


    Magicians are not absolute god-like manifesters. Magicians are still human and must work with and through their human personalities.  However, magicians are those that know too much about the process of how manifest reality works to abdicate responsibility.  Magicians affect as much as they can in any situation to tilt the scales in their favor. Even when they are not actively attempting to influence any outcome, they are very aware of the subtle, passive, everyday processes that create each moment. To be in the physical world is to be part of the creative process of manifestation. For better or worse, that is just the way it is.

       The practice of magick/manifestation is not anything special, set aside for only a few people. The practice of sorcery, mental magick, manifestation is merely the conscious practice of being aware of how the manifest universe already works and had always worked….it is the deliberate act of consciously choosing which thoughts, which feelings, which convictions and beliefs one would like to focus on. It is the conscious decision of what one would like to accept as a personal truth in their corner of the manifest universe.

       What blocks us from manifesting exactly the scenario and circumstances that we have in mind is when there is an incompatible energy (sometimes in the form of a thought or feeling) that is stronger than the desired outcome. Old perceptions, old negative conclusions, left over from childhood or the past…even old convictions that we never thought to question or filter out can still affect our current efforts.

       So, while we keep to practical matters–not overspending our paycheck while we are working on letting in more physical abundance, being attentive to our loved ones while we are still working on our self esteem, taking care of the car Grandma loaned us while praying for our new truck–we can still work on clearing out those internal obstacles to clean, clear, direct manifestation.

    To start the process, take some clean paper or a work journal and freewrite your responses to such questions as–How good of a magician am I?  How effective is my magick?  Can I manifest anything that I want?  How can I become a better magician?  Am I comfortable watching my desires manifest into solid form?  How can I accept that I am an efficient magician?  Why do I deserve to have my magick work?  What in my past will help me become a better magician?

    For specific manifestation, we will use the example of manifesting a $20 bill–How can I manifest $20?  Am I comfortable experiencing the manifestation of $20?  How will I react to having the $20 in my hand?  How will I change before I hold the $20 in my hand?  How will everyone react to my manifesting $20?  What happens after I have the $20 in my hand?

    Meditate on all positive information, responses and feedback to this written exercise.


Not A Kin?….You Can Still Run With The Wolves….

  • Why isn’t the Kin Community a free for all, with everyone being accepting of everyone else’s personal stories?

    Because that’s not practical.

    There is one type of Real Kin….those who have had to function with and have an ongoing struggle with species dysmorphia….that need to share very real information about their personal histories and exchange practical information that is relevant to their lives and can possibly make a difference in how they function on a day-by-day basis. There are many members of the Kin Community that have been mistakenly self-identified as Kin, whereas they do not have actual species dysmorphia.

       There are also other Real Kin who do not find the disconnect between the difference in their energy bodies and their physical body. They simply feel the phantom shifts, but accept that their physical body does not reflect the form of their Kin self, in this lifetime. In either case, those who have the life experience of being Kin want to be able to communicate with others who share the same life experiences, as well. Whether intentionally or accidentally, many non-Kin identify as kindred. There are some other factors that new members of the community should consider before they mistakenly self-identify as OtherSouled.

       As far as phantom shifting goes, there are some considerations to keep in mind before classifying one’s self as Kin. Every spiritual being can shift on all non-physical levels. Simply put, this means that all humans can shift, on levels beyond their physical form. Any simple exploration of magick or energy work can show you that all humans are capable of manipulating their energy bodies into other shapes. Simply become aware of the sensation of your aura, the personal energy that extends beyond your physical body. What would it feel like if you had wings on your back….a long, elegant tail….claws that extended past your fingertips…sharp animal teeth? Be aware of which sensations that would accompany such forms.  Energy follows intention….imagination, a little desire….and you can manipulate your personal energy into other non-human shapes.

       Also, as another part of spirit work, we can “borrow” the energy or consciousness of specific animals. Witches were famous for doing both. In light trance or deep meditation, anyone can place their awareness into another animal….such as a pet or a stray cat or even a wild animal, long distance. Working with animal energies, one can bring that consciousness into your present body. This is the concept behind the Berserkers, who would bring the Bear spirit into their bodies before battle. Within light trance, imagine would it would be like to bring in the spirit of a Lion….a Dragon…an Eagle.  What would you be like if that animal spirit came into your consciousness?  How would you feel?  How would your thinking change or be accented with this additional energy?

       Sometimes, the mind constructs a false storyline about being Kin (or Vampire or “natural Witch”….) in order to make up for feeling inadequate in some other way. Sometimes, one just has a need to feel special.  When this happens, one’s mind will falsify memory or imagine experiences to justify feeling different. Low self esteem, the need to belong to a larger group or to otherwise desire to know that one is special might cause one’s mind to create imaginary experiences that one believes is evidence for being Kin. Before disproving any false conclusions, keep in mind that everyone is special…the need for approval from others NEVER satisfies the need for self-approval….and that every human being can learn to phantom shift, astral shift, mental shift without having been born Kin.
       Self-evaluation will help provide the one questioning with a secure foundation in their personal truth. One should ask if one is trying to feel special or part of a group….if being Otherkin would still be okay, if they never shared this aspect of themselves with others. When self-knowledge becomes more important than disclosure to others, then the individual will have an easier time in the world–Kin or non-Kin.


    When trying to find Community in others, ask yourself what it is exactly that you are trying to find….what it is that you are hoping to find or get from others. Be honest, if only to yourself. Be very aware of which negative emotions are prompting you to reach out to others. Those feelings will often reflect in your interactions–neediness will be met with neediness in others and not be satisfied.

    Anyone can still work with Animal Powers in meditation and magick.  Anyone can shapeshift on non-physical levels.  Is group approval as necessary as self-validation?  Before asking, “What kind of Kin am I?”….start with, “Why do I need to be Kin?  What are my other options?”


Disciplining God: Dealing With Those Childhood Thoughtforms

The practice of magick has roots in the religious practices of one’s childhood. What we learn about the Divine and how we can petition that concept of “God” is what lays the groundwork for when we consciously begin to practice the metaphysical and magickal arts, later on. As a child, I was not really given the belief that I was going to get my prayers answered.

The concept of answered prayers was more of a passing, obligatory reference–something that was more of a possible theory, rather than an actual experience. The idea that stood out more to me was that I was a sinner…that I was condemned…that I was undeserving. Sinners don’t deserve to have their prayers answered. Sinners can be forgiven, eventually, sometime off into the far future–if they put a lot of suffering and repentance into it….but, that should be their main spiritual focus.

We should be allowed to pray for particular results–but when we put more belief, more conviction into our identity as sinners….no other prayer work can really manifest through that energy. The thoughtform of being an undeserving, unloved sinner becomes the emotional waters that colors all of our other spiritual petitions. Prayers are like unborn babies.  Our thoughts and feelings are like the amniotic fluid that the baby gestates in. No non-compatible prayers can survive in those negative personal energies.

Being a Sinner isn’t always cleaned out of some of our psyches. We just learn to function as best as we can with the heaviness that comes with that self-identification. Some of us were never taught to have a sense of deserving what we want….much less, deserving our good. By the time we come to consciously accepting that we can possibly have a say in our lives through the performance of magick or conscious manifestation, we have spent many years reinforcing the self-identification of being undeserving. Perhaps when we are introduced to the Pagan gods, it is not always (or completely) that we really believe in them as having had their own independent existence, as much as we would like to believe that there are nicer gods than what Christianity offered us. It might not always be a recognition, as much as a hope that maybe, someday, we will stop believing in an uncaring or mean God.

Even if we never articulate it, some of us come to feel that God has at least abandoned us on this earth–if he is not outright intentionally out to screw us over. MY theory is that we we were never dealing with actual independent, autonomous entities, but more so with thoughtforms masquerading as autonomous entities. I have been working with pagan gods and archetypal godforms for quite a few years, now. But, is it possible that the mean, withholding God of my childhood was still left unresolved in my psyche?

Old thoughtforms can still live as memories. Just as we can have traumatic events or emotionally charged relationships frozen in our subconscious, replaying scenes in vivid color or intense emotion….is it possible that the unpleasantness of our childhood relationship with God is still frozen in some deep part of our psyche? Is it still affecting us, even as we have moved on to other gods?

Working with the imagery of our relationships with the most powerful adults in our childhood can help heal the patterns that our adult relationships are formed after. Many of us simply thought we had ignored or abandoned the Christian God of our early life, on a conscious level. Perhaps there might be some value in consciously healing the negativity that we experienced in the first relationships we had with our childhood concept of Divinity.

This is such a taboo idea. When we were children, it is more than likely that we were taught to never question the actions and attitudes of God (as they were described to us)….God was perfect and above any critique or criticism.  Unless children were taught to meditate on their own and given a positive impression of the Divine, most of what passes as religious study is the building of a negative thoughtform.   Any and all negative aspects of “God” were to be unquestioned and accepted, under the guise of being dutiful or obedient.

With some of us, God was the original negative force. God was the original withholder, an unfair judge and unable to be pleased. This was the first negative relationship we had with (our incorrect concept of) the Divine. The was the first negative filter we had to justify our perception of not deserving our good, to justify being treated unfairly and not being able to receive what we asked for.

To unravel the negativity of this relationship, we treat this relationship just the same as we could heal any negativity we experienced with our family members. Prepare your space just as you would for any other meditation. Smudge. Cast circle. Do whatever you feel is appropriate.

Breathe deeply. Center yourself. Keeping in mind that you are going to be entering this meditation and acting as your Adult Self (present self), gently allow yourself to feel centered and comfortable in whatever you describe as your personal power. When you are ready, allow yourself to float as far back….or as deep within….as you can, meeting up with your childhood awareness of your conception of “God”.

Keeping yourself in third person, allow yourself to enter a scene where you find the images of your child self relating to God–in whichever way your child self envisions God. When you are comfortable viewing your child self, allow yourself to become aware of what your child self feels, thinks and wants from God. Breathe back into your adult power and centeredness. Within this internal space, address God directly as your adult self. Without judging your reaction, say whatever it is that you would like to say to God at this point, if you could say whatever it is that you wanted to say…then or now.  Don’t worry if you are actually working with a literal memory, a symbolic representation or a mixture of both.

Allow yourself to scold, criticize, demand and be negative, if it seems natural….if your (thoughtform of) God was withholding, unfair or unkind in any way. In this meditation space, you are speaking up for your child self that might have felt wronged in some way. If your thoughtform of God did not reflect the generosity, abundance or any other sort of goodness that reflects the beauty of the Universe as you now understand it, let your thoughtform know that he is not representing a generous, loving Universe to your child self. As your adult self, tell this thoughtform what he is supposed to do and how he is supposed to act, to more accurately reflect the abundance and generosity of the universe. Allow yourself to speak freely, in any way which brings you relief. If you like, allow “God” to manifest in some form and allow “God” to apologize or otherwise make amends, and correct his behavior.

Feel free to revisit this internal space, as many times as feels right.  Record your experiences and reactions in your journal.

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Entering the Otherkin Community: Aggression, Defensiveness and Accuracy


    I did not enjoy my initial ventures into the Kin Community. I ran into a few characters that I found to be too aggressive. I did not see much support in the groups, even though I had the impression that that was what people were looking for when they joined up. Luckily, I found a few wonderful Kin friends–but for the most part, I had better experiences in the Pagan and Vampire Communities. I found kindred in the other two groups, so I felt that I had better options.

    I spend most of my time in other groups. As I just said, I did make some wonderful Therian and Otherkin friends; but I tend to avoid most Kin groups, in general because of the aggressive behavior that comes out. What sparked my thoughts on this subject was an exchange that we had in Lady Briessa’s group: AVOW–Alliance of Vampires, Otherkin and Witches. Someone new to the Facebook Kin Community had come into the group and introduced himself. What came after seemed to me like standard Kin Community behavior. The newcomer was greeted and asked questions about his introduction post. What followed after also seemed like standard community behavior. It seemed that the Newbie was not familiar with standard practices and procedure among Kin, and became defensive. I have held back from the Kin Community for the most part, because of similar interactions. I believe that I have watched enough of both sides (newcomers and standing members) and am comfortable with my observations. One of the comments made on this particular thread was the inference that it was better to let the Newbie know what they had in store for them outside of that particular group–that there was to be much more or harsher criticism outside of the group that we were conversing in.

        I had the interpretation that the initial questioning on the part of the veteran Kin was that they wanted clarification on some points of the newcomer’s introduction. But, someone who is not familiar with standard practice could easily take the line of questioning as implying a disbelief and an accusation of being false or incorrect. On the side of the standing members of the Kin Community, I completely understand that there is a caution and a need to protect whatever space/s that they have established as individuals, so far.
       Trolls come in regularly to every community–these people are conscious that they are only role playing and might know enough factual information to pass as Kin, if only for a short amount of time. Actual Therians and Otherkin want to exchange information relevant to their lives, along with sharing the hardships and triumphs that are specific to Kin. There are also those who are not genuine Kin, but have incorrectly self-identified as such, possibly because of the need to belong to a community/group, feel special, feel empowered….or some other reason.
       There are actual Therian and Otherkin that come into the communities at a young age. They might be actual Spiritual Otherkin (having a soul that is non-human, but living in a human body) or Psychological Otherkin (understand that they have a human body, but be psychologically imprinted with a non-human self-identification). Because they are either young or new to the community, they could have a lack of the common language–terminology and concepts. While they might genuinely fit into the categorization of Otherkin, the lack of understanding how to articulate their experience in the common language opens them up to criticism from some standing members of the community.
       And then there are those that mistakenly believe that they are Kin. They are not Trolls, with the intention to cause mischief and falsely mislead others. There are those people who mistakenly identify as being other-souled, when they might not be. They come into the Kin Community. They have been in the Kin Community. The reason that they need to be addressed is because there will continue to be non-Kin members that will come in. Addressing alternatives directly might help weed out (unintentional) role playing, so that accurate exchange can occur more often between actual Kin members.

       Instead of calling members out on how much they know or don’t know about their self-identity and the claims that go along with it, a more gentle approach might be more efficient. Not everyone reacts/responds well to an aggressive line of questioning….even though it has been standard for many members in the Community, for quite some time. Personally, it just made me perceive the Community as being full of very mean, very uncooperative people.

    It is not necessarily the best way to approach someone new with aggression. If the intention is to unravel whether they are genuine, sincere or accurate….making them defensive is only a good way to get them to shut down and possibly counterattack.

     From the outside, I had the impression that the Community was meant to be a place of support and education. To educate anyone, the recipient of the information needs to be receptive. Making them comfortable, makes them open to receive whatever it is that the speaker wishes to share.  Figuring out whether someone is genuine or accurate will come easier if they are not defensive.