The Metaphysical and Spiritual Understanding of Extramarital Affairs


    In the bigger picture, we are complete Spiritual Beings. We are made up of the same substance as is The Divine. There is nothing missing from us. We are all that God/Goddess/Universe is. We cannot be added to, because we are All That Is.

    We are human, because we have temporarily hidden parts of our awareness from our conscious minds. Spirit is Omniscient, Omnipresent and Omnipotent. Being human, we work through the limitations of a human mind and human emotions. Until we relate to being the Fullness of the Universe once more, by default, we find ourselves in human situations and worldly scenarios. Rather than allow our miseries to overwhelm us, it might be interesting to look at our situations in a different way.

    As humans, we are so ready to justify our negativity and limitations, under the guise of some sort of “lesson”. If the bottom line is that our True Nature is Love and Completeness, how is any situation based on feeling limited any sort of lesson? Our minds were not meant to take huge quantum leaps in awareness. As a theory, it can be a nice idea, but it might be counterproductive to “believe” in huge leaps. The human personality finds lasting changes in smaller steps. Creating long-term, lasting changes in belief comes from making smaller adjustments, rather than attempting drastic changes. I would like to propose that there are not so much lessons in worldly scenarios–based on personal shortcomings–as much as the Truth of the “lesson” is that we have the opportunity to realize our Complete/Spiritual nature in every life situation.

    As humans, we find ourselves in a variety of life situations. We find ourselves embroiled in all sorts of negativity. While being part of an Infidelity Triangle is not the only or most extreme scenario that some of us find ourselves in….it is one of the many situations of life that we can use to propel our self-evolution.

    We find ourselves in our particular life scenarios, with all of their specific details, for basically two reasons–the manifestations match the attitudes, thoughts and feelings that we have been carrying….or we can use those particular details of a life situation to push against and spiritually blossom in the process.


    Metaphysics and spirituality have their own sets of foundation beliefs.  No one is obligated to believe that we create our lives through our personal energies, even if only by default. No one is obligated to accept that we can take our life situations as springboards for personal growth, rather than remaining in one’s current emotional state.  Complaining about our current negative situations has not worked and we keep finding ourselves in similar scenarios, generation after generation. It does not work to just say that particular situations are bad and that we should not be in them.

    As adults, we find ourselves in undesirable and less-than-desirable circumstances. Some circumstances are so common, they are almost their own norm. Perhaps looking at them from a metaphysical angle and working with them through metaphysical techniques might make some sort of change in the individual. As an adult, placing responsibility on any other adult for one’s feelings has not made any sense. One adult blaming another for their feelings is never nearly as healing as taking responsibility for one’s own happiness.  As metaphysicians, each person can empower themselves to be more comfortable in or leave the situation as they see fit.

    It is possible to be in an open or polygamous relationship. When everything is out in the open between consenting adults, the types of negativity are very different.  This is not always the case.  Instead of denying the occurrence of an Infidelity Triangle, let us meet it head on as conscious beings, when it does occur.

    In an Infidelity Triangle, there are three possible positions. For purposes of keeping the positions clear, we will refer to them as The Other Partner, The Lover and The Spouse. For purposes of being constructive, we will avoid terms like “cheating” because such terminology brings the reader back to judgement and disempowers the reader from making any constructive changes in their participation and personal perspective.

    Regardless of gender, The Other Partner is the participant outside of the main relationship or marriage. The Other Partner participates in the extramarital affair with The Lover. (The Lover is the one that is married or principally involved with The Spouse, as their main relationship.) The Other Partner might get involved in the extramarital affair for a multitude of reasons–positive and negative. For purposes of self growth and healing, we will not focus on the positive so much, but instead focus on correcting the negative reasons.

       The negative aspects of being The Other Partner could come from being unable to be a part of a monogamous relationship, where one is the only focus of The Lover. The metaphysical remedy could be to cultivate more self worth. The default settings in one’s psyche could be that one never assumed that one would be the most desirable in a lover’s life. It might have never occurred to one that they would be enough to satisfy a romantic interest or life partner, completely. Prepare meditation space by cleansing space and casting a circle. Do everything else appropriate, as feels correct. In your meditation, perceive yourself as the most attractive creature that you can. Do not worry about physical appearance–focus on having the most attractive energy that you can.

        Be very aware of the energy that emanates from you. Without forming any solid imagery of any particular people–be aware of how your energy is extremely attractive to others. Be aware of the feelings of other partners reacting favorably to your energy in ways that make them want to devote themselves to you.  Take the time to muse on positive qualities that others perceive and enjoy within you.  Repeat this exercise, often.

       Another possible negativity that could be manifest in the position of The Other Partner is that they have set themselves up to participate in a dramatic confrontation with others. This can simply be a default setting, because one is used to the idea (on some level) of being caught up in confrontations with others. To avoid this, practice extreme grounding and shielding, keeping in your personal energy no matter what happens around you.

       Throughout the day, in meditative space and outside of it, be very aware of the energetic roots that connect your energy system to that of Mother Earth’s. Feel how strongly you are rooted to the Earth. Feel how grounded you can feel. Feel how extra, nervous, negative energy slides down so easily and is absorbed by the Earth. Be very aware that Nature Herself has also provided you with an energetic shield, that protects you from all incoming emotional and mental energies. Feel how solid this shield is, as it keeps any and all emotional and mental attacks from you. Without allowing the images of any specific people to form in your mind, be aware of how there might be dramatic/negative interactions in the world around you….but that with the grounding roots and your energetic shields, everyone else’s energies do not seem to affect you.

       Practice being unaffected by the negativity of the world around you.

    Concerning the position of The Lover, some possible negativity might come from the idea that we can’t fulfill all of our relationship needs in one person. (The Lover needs to be in relationship with their Spouse and The Other Partner.)  This idea is related to the concept that we need other people to fulfill our emotional needs. While it is nice to be able to relate to other people in positive ways in positive interactions–as humans, we have this idea that emotional fulfillment only comes from receiving specific responses from the human beings around us.

    In light or formal meditation, allow the images of significant others to surround you–allow all significant others, past and present to appear. Center and allow yourself to realize that every person that comes into your life is reflecting the good qualities that you possess within yourself. As pure spirit, you are the macrocosm, the totality and the completeness of The Universe. Any good you see or perceive in others is a reflection of the good within you. When you “want” something from another adult, you are projecting that particular quality into that other person and ignoring that very quality within your personal energy. For example, when you need Validation from a spouse and/or a lover, you are not acknowledging the Self Validation that a higher aspect of your Being has for yourself. The Self Validation is a constant presence and needs no activity or action to justify its presence.  Your soul approves of you at all times, whether your human personality is aware of it or not.


    Other questions that you may ask yourself in meditation and journaling are:  Is there any need to create drama just for the sake of drama? Does it seem normal to have drama or confrontation?  Is there any need to become a sort of villain to others? How much of a need is there to have to choose between two options that will leave one lacking something after one option is eliminated? Do you feel the need to have some bittersweet or melancholic memories and feel the loss of someone? Is it possible to be in life situations in which everyone is fine, no one is hurt and everyone wins?

    The third and final position is that of The Spouse. This is the one that is the primary relationship partner, not included in the extramarital affair. Negative aspects of being in this position could be the need to be the victim. What are the payoffs of being “the victim”–sympathy from others? Commiseration with other victims? The justification of immersing one’s self in negative emotion or dramatic expression?

    Possible causes for being in this position could be that one needs to justify feeling like one is not enough for The Lover. Low self esteem is not the same thing as humility….and is not something to coddle or celebrate.  In light or formal meditation, become aware of moving in the vastness of your own hidden energy. As you become aware of your personal resources, allow yourself to feel like a Complete Being–mentally stretch beyond this concept and imagine what it would be like to be “beyond Complete”. As you contemplate your hidden resources, allow yourself to daydream on OTHER people perceiving you as the perfect marriage partner. In this meditation, allow yourself to feel what it would be like to know OTHER people felt happy, loved and satisfied in your presence. Allow yourself to imagine feeling other people being in love or enamored with you. Imagine what it would be like to be completely in love with yourself.

    Repeat meditations in all three positions of the Infidelity Triangle.  Keep a diary and record your experiences and insights.

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