I still don’t have Prince Charming…but, my understanding of Love has changed and evolved over the years. It might seem that I have become more cynical towards my fellow human…but, maybe I’m just actually more realistic. I’ve given up on finding someone outside of myself to complete me, to fill in my missing pieces. But, in doing so, I have become much more self-reliant. I experience a larger degree of love, for much longer periods of time. Lovers come and go, but Love Itself has become more of a constant.
Where do we get this idea of that perfect mate that is supposed to come in and fill us? I didn’t get it from any of the real-life examples around me. When I was growing up, my parents were not really a good match. Nor did I see any of the other marriages or long term partnerships as reflecting any sort of storybook romance. I didn’t see any real life demonstrations of soulmates, but something about the concept resonated within me. From wherever I got the idea, I wanted that kind of partnership.
My current joke is that I blame Disney for giving me unrealistic expectations. Disney and pretty much every other form of media that sells us that idea that someone else will come along and fix me emotionally, regardless of what I have on the table or what I am bringing into the relationship. Metaphysically speaking, fairy tale romances and princely rescue are contradictory to the energetic rules of manifestation. Someone who needs to be fixed or rescued is coming from the misperception that they are broken and cannot fix themselves. (Not to pick on my Catholic upbringing, but I wonder if this is a variation of instant healing that Jesus was supposed to give me once I signed over my soul to him. This might support the idea that we do not need to do anything to improve ourselves, other than wait for someone to magickally appear and do it for us.)
We can project for others to come into our lives and perform particular acts, including dialog….complimenting us, telling us how much they love us. But, when we are so convinced that there is something fundamentally wrong with us–that we are damaged, unlovable, unlikable, unattractive, less than others in one way or another–that is our predominant energy and any other thoughtforms which are not of a similar nature will not be able to manifest or stay physically solid in our experience for very long.
Love is Love. It’s an energy, an essence, a state of being or awareness. It is not any act in the physical world. It is not a compliment or an expression, in and of itself. It is not any form. We can channel Love into our personal awareness. We can feel Love. We can be aware of what it is, how it feels and how far it extends. We can perform physical actions, expressions, and speak–all inspired from Love. We can use triggers in the world to remind ourselves to feel Love. We can attempt to provoke or trick others into feeling Love.
But, Love itself is a completely personal experience. Completely individual. When someone is in an unloving space–depressed, mourning, angry, despondent, stressed, tired, apathetic–they do not and cannot immediately resonate with that energy. If their vibration is too far away from the vibration of Love, they will not be able to feel it. Best bet is to try to provoke someone’s triggers (excuses, rationalizations) for feeling Love, so that they can work up their awareness to that again. If our techniques for making someone feel loved worked, then we would have absolute control over someone else’s feelings. Our loved ones would always be in a good mood, if we could help it.
Love doesn’t go anywhere. It doesn’t come from anywhere. We make up thoughts and reasons as to why we can feel it and why we cannot feel it. We don’t work with Love directly. We work with our personal obstacles in our awareness and allow ourselves to perceive this Universal Essence.
It doesn’t matter where the desire to feel Loved comes from. My personal guess is that Love Itself is the essence of The Creator/Creatrix. My personal opinion is that it is simply our natural state, our natural essence. To want to be aware of that is simply to want to rest in our natural state.
To be human, experiencing a human lifetime on this earthly plane, we limit ourselves by hiding parts of our awareness from ourselves. The Universe never changes–we change how much we can see at any time, what we want to be aware of. Part of the earthly illusion is coming to false conclusions about causality and connection. We still have the instinct to fully feel Love, but because we perceive that we are “cut off” to some degree from our Creator and the full self-experience of our personal spirits….we give causal powers to the people and the environments around ourselves, to “affect” our feelings. In our faulty thinking, we take power away from our individual awareness and give power to the people that we have in our lives.
We often conclude that we can’t feel Love until a present, in-real-life person (or an imaginary person, who will show up in our lives at some undisclosed future time) performs certains acts–which can include anything and everything from spending time with us, giving us enough attention through specific acts, telling us very particular words (phrases or dialog) or making us cookies.
To make matters more complicated, people tie up a lot of other concepts with feeling Love, Itself. The experience of Love is a meditative one, it is an awareness of the Energy of the Universe, Itself. However, being as complicated as human personality is, we’ve attached other issues and ideas to this experience. Some of us have made emotional healing equivalent to feeling loved. Some of us have also combined sex with love in a way that we cannot feel loved until we are having sex or are with someone who would have sex with us.
The problem equating emotional wholeness with feeling loved is that there is an equal trap on all sides. Someone who identifies as emotionally damaged is projecting their wounds and (eventual) negative expressions of those wounds as thoughtforms in their energy. The only people who are attracted to these energies have similarly negative energies in their own energy bodies that they need to play out as well, in the forms of unhealthy relationships or interactions. Wounded people and non-wounded people do not come together in a relationship, unless it is specifically a therapeutic one….client/patient and healer.
Best case scenario is that someone who comes in to rescue or heal a damaged personality will stay around only as long as they are able to rescue/heal. Once the victim heals or does better, then the personal energies of the two persons are no longer compatible. Rescuers need to rescue. Healers need to heal. The former rescuer will most likely leave since they cannot rescue or heal anymore. The alternative to this will be that their personal issues will then have that empty space to manifest in the place of the now-missing issues of the former victim–the rescuer will now take the place of the victim.
As far as equating Love with sex, this might be because of that state of Wholeness one can reach in a really good orgasm. Even a meditative attitude towards the sex act can become a spiritual experience. That higher awareness can be found within sex, as well as directly meditating on Love. Complete immersion into Pleasure, abandon and leaving the mind behind are all meditative techniques. Alternate pathways for raising awareness. What we are not taught is that one does not need to be with another person at all in order to meditate on these same energies. Pleasure, Abandon, Mindfulness and Meditation are all things that can be experienced in direct meditation. Waiting for physical prompts (such as a lover is possible, but not mandatory.
Meditating and Identifying with the Universal State and Energies of Love is a more direct method of Self-Awakening. Some metaphysicians believe that that is the point of existence, to remember our spiritual nature….the state of being Love, regardless of any and all physical circumstances. Not all of us are in the mental space where we can meditate on the essence of awakening. Some of us are still in the state of understanding, the belief that we must come to these happinesses and higher states only through physical experience and through the physical interaction with others.
Rather than wait until we can come to that awareness that it is the essence of the experience of Love that we want, not a particular person….in my opinion, it is more productive to move forward, even if we are stumbling. Healing and Self-Awareness come on winding pathways.
According to some metaphysical interpretations, we have the driving instinct to experience this perfect state of being Loved. Many of us do whatever we think we have to do, within the limitations of our personal ethical and social restraints, to feel loved by someone else. Mixed in with that, we also naturally become attracted to those negative experiences which we associate with Love relationships. In those negative relationships, we have the opportunity to work out those issues and negative repeating patterns that prevent us from having a satisfying experience.
Keeping these concepts in mind, I would advise the magician to throw themselves completely into any sort of Love Magick that they feel attracted to–with some conditions. Question and mentally explore the internal motivations and possible outcomes of all desires, first and foremost. Use every motivation, desire and intention to move forward in emotional healing. If there is still a strong desire to work out issues through or with another person–cast any spell that you are drawn to. One theory is that spells involving other people only manifest if all parties’ guardian spirits and guiding consciousness see benefit from the physical or energetic manifestation of the spell.
An important factor to be aware of is that in the manifest universe, there is always opportunity for expansion of consciousness and self-empowerment in any situation. Furthermore, any spell can only take root in one’s personal reality if they have enough compatible energy for that spell to seed in. A curse will not affect a target who is at a very high, positive vibration…..just as a blessing will not affect someone who is at a very low, negative level of vibration. Any spell of Influence can only work if there is something compatible within the recipient. Spells do not always work, especially when there is no supporting energy in the situation.
Even if love spells do not manifest at all in changes in the physical world, it is excellent to gauge one’s personal obstacles to get insight into which energies one is actually immersed in–are they too negative? What caused you to want to perform the spell and what is your reaction to it working or not working? What is your relationship to the energies of Love, Joy, Pleasure and Expansion, in and of Themselves? Are they something that you can relate to experiencing, right now? The end results are how we are transformed as individuals–our personal, internal experience.