Healing Love Addiction, Clinginess, Emotional Dependence and Other Sticky Feelings

Where do I start?  How about if I point out that the point of spirituality is to be completely aware of your Oneness with the Divine?  Let’s start there.

On the spiritual pathway, we often mix in magick, manifestation, and emotional empowerment.  It is not always a clearcut, direct pathway back towards the ecstasy of Oneness.  Depending on the limitations and structures of our individual personalities, some of us manifest in our human lives as being emotionally dependent beings.  We are the type that wants to find fulfillment through manifesting our preconceived ideals of a satisfying romantic relationship.  We are the type most likely to cast a lot of love spells, maybe also exploring the New Age or self-help aspects of relationships and how to manifest them.

In metaphysical thought, our nature….our true state is Oneness with the Divine.  If we could describe it in human terms, we might think of it as a state of Fulfillment, Completeness, Wholeness.  Nothing is missing.  Everything is included.

However, in order to have a human experience, we must limit our awareness of the bliss of Completeness.  We take on mental and emotional illusions to be human.  To be human is to cut off our full spiritual awareness.  In order to live a human life, we have to narrow our consciousness.

This is neither good, nor bad….but the nature of human existence.  One viewpoint on DESIRE is that we are aware of being part of or “having” something on an energetic or spiritual level….and, coupled with the human delusion that we are separate from that “thing” or energy, we feel the instinct to realize our union with that object of desire, once more.

Being human, we are still aware of the state of Oneness, but it is not a complete awareness….it is almost like a memory or a intuitive knowing that this is a possible state.  As humans, we desire to be in complete awareness, once more.  However, also as humans, we filter this intuition through our human-mental reasoning.  We come up with plans and conclusions for how we get this state of Union back.  Depending on how much we are convinced that the physical world and its objects affect our moods, feelings and states….we come up with conclusions about what needs to happen in the physical world before we are allowed to have the very specific feeling/sensory experience that we describe as “love” or “being in love” or “being loved”.

As humans, some of us incorrectly conclude that we need to have very specific people with very specific qualities (physical or otherwise) perform very specific actions.  Then, and only then, will we allow our personal consciousness to be aware of our state of Completeness.  We instinctively desire to be back in full awareness of Completeness, but we incorrectly assume that it will happen when we are in a human-on-human romantic relationship.

(Depending on the individual’s personality, the substitute for the bliss of a loving/romantic human relationship could be a sexually-satisfying relationship, which follows essentially the same sort of structure, but to keep it simple, I will focus on the emotional/romantic variation.)

In metaphysical terms, there are so many mistakes with expecting Blissful Happiness to come from ANY human-on-human relationship.  The primary mistake is to expect happiness to COME FROM any physical scenario, including a relationship.  Manifestation is the end result.  Thoughts, feelings, energies come before the physical world and its activities…..happiness is what we BRING to the physical world.  Happiness does not manifest in the world UNTIL it is brought in through awareness.

Expecting happiness to COME FROM other humans, at all times, is also unreasonable.  Humans are limited creatures–that is the nature of being human.  No judgement.  That is just how we become human, by cutting off complete Spiritual Awareness and manifesting as a flawed and wounded being, in the world.  Many humans embrace, reinforce and defend their negative limitations–rationalizing that they have reasonable excuses to feel and express sadness, anger or any other negative emotion…and less reasonable justification to feel positive emotions or finer vibrations.  People who strive to experience Joy do so as a personal choice, understanding that it is a personal unfolding.  Unless someone takes personal responsibility for their internal experience, there is no guarantee that they will not continue to express and manifest learned negative human emotion.  It is unfair to expect other people to make you feel loved and/or happy.  A spiritually responsible being brings their own happiness into their relationships.

I have nothing to really back up my perception of children’s experience–what it means to be a child, in metaphysical terms.  I simply have some ideas that I’ve grown into–but, as yet, have little logical support for my thoughts.  That being said, I will now share them.  At this point, I will simply claim that I intuitively find these concepts to be the most correct for my  understanding–I personally believe that at the stage of childhood, we still hold much of our intuition about our state of Wholeness.  As we become more cognitive human beings, we are in two places at once–still intuitively aware of our Oneness with the Divine, as we settle into our humanhood, with its human limitation and delusions.  The conflict is when we are trying to relate to the limited human world (where there is the illusion of separation), while still instinctively remembering the already-present connection with everything on the spiritual level.  It is my personal opinion that this discrepancy is the cause of distress in children–the sense of entitlement (on a spiritual level) and the upset over lack of immediate physical gratification is because, on some level, they still remember the oneness with everything that they seem to be separate from in the physical world.

As we grow up, most of us tend to forget the Oneness more and more, until we completely feel separated from everything.  There is that sense of separation, plus some of us still remember the frustration of being denied or feeling like something is being withheld from us–when we did remember possessing it, at one point.

To further complicate things, children are sometimes placated by adults when they show signs of emotional distress, such as crying.  While it is reasonable to expect to take care of children when they are small, we normally do not teach children to become emotionally self-sufficient as they grow.  Hopefully, children are at least taught to become physically self-sufficient–but, what lacks is training children to become the type of adult that can fill their own emotional needs.

When a capable, self-sufficient adult is hungry, they usually do not wait for someone to come feed them.  When a capable, self-sufficient adult is dirty, they usually do not wait for someone to come bathe them.  When a capable, self-sufficient adult feels cold, they usually put on more of their own clothes, adjusts the central heat and/or puts on another blanket.  They do not wait for someone to come and take care of their warmth levels for them.

For some reason, some self-sufficient adults take care and responsibility for their physical bodies, but still rely on other people to take care of their emotional needs.  Regardless of the fact that very few of us are taught how to take care of another person’s emotional needs–it is just not something that we are overtly taught how to do.  Some of us might attempt to–and might succeed in immediate (rescue or crisis) emotional care, but nothing that is long term,  deeply lasting or transformative/healing.

Those of us adults who are emotionally dependent on others, clingy or hinge our emotional responses on the actions of others…do so with unreasonable expectations.  Some of us expect the other person to make us feel loved or happy, when we have no evidence that they are able to or even want to.  We have no logical reason to assume that they are capable of doing so.  Our logic is based on a “it should be like this” cause-effect relationship, when we have no real evidence to prove that this is so.

In metaphysical terms, we are experiencing a physical world that is the reflection of the attitudes, thoughts, expectations and convictions that we hold in our mental bodies.  This can include all thoughtforms in our conscious and unconscious levels, positive and negative.  This includes all surface, analytical thought as well as those leftover thoughts from childhood–some might be ideas about how things are supposed to be, because we never challenged the ideas.

By the time we become full adults, the relationships that we create can be no better than the thoughtforms that we have invested energy into, up to that time–whichever ideas that we have about love, relationships, men, women, self-worth…all of our strongest convictions in belief manifest themselves in other people.  Unsatisfactory relationships come into our world because of limited thoughts or the lack of elevated/expansive thoughts.

Humans who do not walk the consciously spiritual path, find others to be responsible for their lack of happiness.  They hold lovers, spouses, children, family and others to provoke or withhold their emotional responses.  And that is fine.  Not everyone is spiritual.  Not everyone is following the spiritual path.  Not everyone will follow a spiritual path.  This article has nothing to do with them.

For those of us who strive to awaken, to relate to our spiritual nature once more, we take the effort to remind ourselves that our happiness comes from remembering to SENSE the finer energies that are the essence of the Divine.  Instead of reacting to the presence and movement of the physical world and its objects, we remember to SENSE the flows of energy that come from Spirit.

In formal meditation, focus on whatever you think of as The Divine….The Goddess, The Great Spirit, The Universe.  Start by imagining what it would feel like to feel Oneness with The Divine.  What is it like to feel Complete?  What is it like to feel Wholeness?  Imagine what it would be like to feel absolutely Loved…Loving….Love, Itself?  Play around with these concepts, for as long as you can.  Before coming out of this state, allow yourself to forward this into specific images from your daily life.  What will happen when you bring this state of Completeness and Wholeness into your waking life?  What kind of energy will you bring to your interactions with others?  How positively will everyone respond to this Divine energy?



Practice Is Not The Same As Confidence And Conviction

I was listening to a video on basic instructions in spellcasting.  The instructor kept emphasizing how “practice” is the most important aspect of magick.  That the magician should not be afraid to perform the spell multiple times until the desired results manifest.  “Practice” in this sense, meant repetition of magickal activity.

As a beginning magician, I remember how often the word “practice” was used.  The analogy that so many of us go by is that the process of performing magick is somewhat equivalent to any other physical-world skill.  Performing a circle casting is supposed to become “easier” once it (physically) happens multiple times.  We visualize the flame erupting from our wand, dagger or finger…the image of the flame becomes crisper with repetition.  The light becomes brighter.  The shadows that are thrown off become darker and more distinct.  With practice, the energy seems more solid, more “real”.  The other people in the room can sense the circle, the more practice that the magician has casting it.  With practice, the circle becomes more and more real in the physical world.  In the physical world, a capable magician can cast a circle solid enough for other people to sense.

When practicing physical-world skills, such as learning how to play the guitar or becoming a faster runner, practice is a very important part of becoming better at physically performing any activity.  However, as NLP and performance psychology techniques become more mainstream practices, it is becoming clear that it is not only helpful to address the MENTAL/IMAGINARY aspects associated with practice, but sometimes imperative to its success.

Attitudes and beliefs associated with our capability and capacity affect, allow and prevent our physical performance of any activity.  The rules of magick and manifestation are very different than the rules of physical activity.  In the physical world, success of activity is brought about faster when one is convinced that one can perform the activity….and can perform it not only easily, but well.

Someone who is full of self-doubt, who has a mind-set of defeat, will take much longer to physically practice than someone who is in the affirmative attitude that they will succeed.  One must not only address the thoughts specific to the activity, but also their general attitudes towards being successful.

Before kicking the soccer ball into the goal, take time out to visualize that one can successfully make the goal.  Involve all of the senses to make the experience a real one.  Feel the smallest details–the sensation of your foot inside your sneaker.  Feel the give of the grass and ground of the playing field as you stand on it.  Feel the pressure of the contact between your foot and the ball, as you kick it.  Feel that exact moment when the ball releases away from your foot, as it sails through the air.  Feel your foot return back to the ground, the shift in your muscles as you return to standing on both feet, weight balanced between your two legs.  Feel the way your body responds to watching the ball sail perfectly into the goal–the tension and release of excitement….and finally, satisfaction.  Besides the feeling sensations, be aware of the scents associated with the playing field–the grass, possibly the dirt underneath it, maybe within a park with trees.  There are also sounds–the sound of the earth squishing if it is soft….or the thud of your shoe on firmer ground….the sound of the shoe hitting the ball….the sound of the air being cut by the ball.  Every sense needs to be involved to create a realistic experience.  Once the brain is convinced that the experience has been successfully had, then there sets in the mind the idea that one is capable of performing the activity, in the future.  The mind cannot distinct between an “actual” event and an “imaginary” event, when all of the corresponding senses have been involved.  A successful and convincing “imaginary” event means that you have done the act, in the past.

A slight variation on this theme is to recall the memory of having experienced the activity in the past.  The beauty of this is that the mind, having a presumptive function, will fabricate memories (or the details to memories) when there is no “actual” event in one’s personal history.  This is not anything that we do not already make use of.  We often skew recall, often in negative ways, to confirm present-time attitudes.  When we are depressed, we can only recall memories which make the same emotional atmosphere.  In this state, all happy memories do not exist, because they cannot be recalled.  This goes for every other mood.  We cannot remember happy moments (or relate to them, anyway), when we are depressed–and vice versa.

BEFORE practicing any magickal activity–whether that is a technique in spellcasting, any particular type of spell, or manifesting any particular type of event or object–take time to make sure that you can RELATE to successfully manifesting the desired results in that area.

In metaphysical understanding, we can only physically experience those events and situations that we can relate to being “real” through our physical senses.  If the sensory details are real to our senses of sight, taste, touch, hearing and smell–it is a real event to us.  The mind cannot tell the difference between an imaginary and a physical event–they are the same thing to our personal senses.  We react to dreams, fantasies and any other occurrence that we think of as “not real”, even after we categorize the experiences as real or not real, after the fact.

In terms of magickal activity, we do not rely on physical movement as much to strengthen our abilities.  A doubting, skeptical and self-defeating personality can go through all of the motions of spell-casting or psychic techniques multiple times without any success or signs of upcoming success.

On the flipside to that scenario, a new apprentice can perform a new operation with a high degree of success while they are in still that faithful “apprentice” position.  It is the conviction, confidence….or simply, innocence….that they will succeed.  They manifest because they don’t “know any better”.

Before physically casting any spells or performing any rituals, put the larger amount of time into exploring the topic on the mental plane, first.  Be very creative.  Come at the subject in as many directions as you can.

To take the example of circle casting, before physically enacting the technique, sit with your work journal or some fresh pieces of paper and freewrite on the concept–Which sensory details are involved in casting a circle of energy?  Which physical sensations do you feel when you cast a circle?  The Divine energy flowing into your crown?  The Earth energy entering your feet chakras, moving up your legs?  Does the energy feel tingly, warm or intense as it exits your hand?  What do you see astrally as the circle is cast?  Does it affect the physical light in the room, maybe appearing as heat waves or distortion to the physical images?  Is there a sound that accompanies the presence of the energy?  How does the presence of the circle affect your physical senses?  How do other people perceive the circle, once it is cast?  How do external energies and entities react to the cast circle?

Take it to another level.  Because you are successful at circle casting, what does this say about your ability to work with energy?  To perform magick, in general?    What are other related thoughts and concepts that come from this–because you can manipulate energy easily, what else does this reflect about other parts of your spiritual beliefs?  What becomes possible, in your personal experience?

Explore these concepts freely in your journaling or musing.  If any limitations come up, ask yourself how you can move past them.  For all of the positive experiences, ask yourself how you can intensify and magnify your experience.  Keep expanding and clearing out your negative limitations.


Model: Dylan Talisman


A Few Notes About Spirituality

My quick-notes interpretation of being spiritual is experiencing those qualities that are associated with Spirit, Itself.  Being spiritual is to be completely self-identified with Love, Peace, Joy, Stillness and Completeness.

That’s it.

Spirit is that Essence that we sometimes call The Goddess, The Gods, The Creator, Substance…it is beyond activity, because it is complete, encompassing all essence.  This is not an argument for stagnation or non-action on any level.  I am simply pointing out that one thing is not another.

On the level of Spirit, there is the awareness that everything is One, nothing is missing….in the Oneness, there is complete peace.  (My human personality has the image that I am merging with everything that I have ever loved.)  We don’t do anything on the Spiritual level.  Everything is already done.  We become aware of the Oneness that is the Spiritual level….we can think of it as a state of being.

The Physical Level is that of the material world.  It is manifest reality–solid matter and the five basic senses.  The Emotional Level is where the energies of human feelings exists.  The Mental Level is where thoughts live–the realm of the mind.  In this simple, four-part model of experience,  Spirit is that dimension beyond body, emotions and thoughts.  It is Being.  Spirituality is beyond feeling, thinking and physical activity.

Magick is not Spirituality.  Magick is an activity.  It is the changing of manifest reality in accordance with one’s will and desire.  Since manifest reality is a reflection of one’s perception, thoughts and feelings–to change one’s manifest reality is to change what one carries around on a perceptual level….beliefs, convictions and observations.  Magick can lead one to spirituality in the sense that if one is more satisfied in life, with one’s worldly (emotional and mental) manifestations, one’s consciousness can relax into the higher essences of Love and Peace.  Magick is not as direct a pathway as Meditation, but it is a completely valid one, depending on what the practitioner can relate to and concentrate on.  It is a valid way of dealing with our perceptions about reality.

Emotional healing is not Spirituality.  Emotional healing is the clearing out of personal identification with all forms of disempowerment.  It is letting go of the needs to relate to anger, sadness, anxiety, depression, fear….essentially, all negative feelings which are not based on complete immersion in Spirit.  While not as direct as Meditation, it is valid in that it clears out the obstacles to re-identifying with Peace and Love.

On a similar note, there are some Charismatic practices by some local churches that I am aware of.  The misinterpretation that I often hear is that these dynamic forms of worship are very powerful for connecting to God.  While I am aware of some forms of dynamic meditation, it seems that there runs the danger of confusing the adrenaline and dopamine of dancing and clapping, with the bliss and joy that comes from a deep meditation.  The danger with feeling good after physical activity is that we sometimes attribute that to the context in an inaccurate way.  Feeling good in a church building does not mean that we had any spiritual experience which changed our consciousness in any permanent way.

To experience Spirit, do not meditate on the manifest gods–but instead, on Spirit in its completeness.  Pure Spirit.  What is it like to be Spirit?






How Much Power Does A Witch Really Have?

There are some people who believe that we absolutely create everything in our lives.  There are some people who believe that we have some input, some influence…but that we are subject to external factors–Fate, a Divine Plan, the free will of others.

In some schools of metaphysics, there is this idea that manifest reality is simply a reflection of the thoughts and feelings of the viewer–the one who is living their earthly life.  While the thoughts and feelings might not always be consciously held….but, because they are influenced by what we focus on….we can be said to have complete power to change them.  In this model, we hold absolute power.  The more that we grow into God/dess-identification, the more that we can influence the situations that spring up around us.

If we are growing into becoming living gods, the question that we always come back to is–“How can I influence this scenario?”  How much can I affect each and every situation that comes into my awareness?  How can I deepen my belief that I can transform this event?

If we do not believe that we are able to affect or heal every scenario…if we believe that we are subject to any external forces, at all….then we change the focus in our meditations.  How can we be at peace in the scenario at hand?  How much peace, love and healing am I allowed to bring with me to the event?  If there is a situation that we cannot heal or shape, then we bring as much comfort and as much ease, as we can carry.


How To Read A Magickal Text

There is a concept that I like to refer to as “Apprentice’s Luck”.  This occurs during the time when the budding Witch, sorcerer or mage is new to the crafts and arts of magick.  They are first discovering books, articles, lessons….maybe just joined a new group or are starting their apprenticeship with a new teacher.

When the magician is in the right state of consciousness, the entire world is full of possibilities….enchantments and power.  So many manifestations are happening, because the sorcerer is in that “honeymoon” stage where they are aware of how much CAN happen, so that it does.  It is only after the glamour wears off–after we intellectualize things–that we start to take in how many rules, laws and regulations are SUPPOSED to be in place….that the glitter fades and we stop manifesting as quickly or as exactly as we had been in the Apprentice stage.

Pay attention to your relationship to the information that you read in magickal books.  When you read about a magickal working–are you imagining the process in third person, as if you are observing someone else’s experience?  Are you visualizing your ability to successfully perform the working in the future, sometime–but, currently have the emotional experience that you are not able to successfully perform the manifestation, right now?

When reading about any and all magickal activities, put yourself completely into the sensory interpretation of the information.  Feel yourself performing every act, in first person, right now.  Every magickal activity is a description of what you can do, at this moment.  As you read the description, put yourself in the imaginary experience of performing it in the real world, feeling confidence or excitement that you always perform the act correctly.  Add to this experience that there are very real world results that manifest–feel them as a manifest reality.  Third, see and feel how the people around you respond to your magickal act manifesting in the world.

It is not about the amount of time you put into practice…or so-called “natural” talent.  It is about the shifts in belief and the deep-rooting of convictions that some things are more real than others.


My on-again, off-again relationship with Jesus…Jesus Christ, not Jesus Sanchez.

I’m not sure about the exact moment that I was introduced to Jesus Christ.  Some of the earliest memories that I have are of the mental images I associated with the lines from The Lord’s Prayer.  While I recited the lines, I imagined a crucified Jesus hanging in space, surrounded by a wreath made entirely of holly.

I didn’t really like Jesus when I was little.  The adults around me used the rules and regulations of the church to frighten and limit my freedom of being and expression.  It wasn’t overtly stated, but I had the impression that Jesus was some sort of figurehead or enforcer of their rules.  On one hand, I had the impression that Jesus was the one that answered prayers….so, he was the one that I had to go to or nothing was going to get done.

When I was a child, men were the problematic figures in my life.  I wanted nothing to do with another powerful male image (even if he was the Son of God), so I went to the Virgin Mary with my prayers.  In my mind, she had to be like the other females in my life–more accommodating, much more nurturing, much more attentive.

Now, as an adult (and as a chaos magician), I tend to be drawn more towards the model of magick in which the manifest gods are more like thoughtforms, created by the wishes, fears and expectations of the thinker.  As a child, I wanted little to do with the males in my life, so Jesus was something I had an aversion to, simply because he represented the powerful male authorities in my life.  The Jesus that was presented to me upheld and enforced the agendas of the men around me.  I might not have been able to articulate it at the time, but I was aware of it on some level.

As I began to explore the Goddess pathways, I kept a mostly matrifocal attitude, in the beginning of my studies.  Male gods were presented gently to me.  The Son, The Lover, The Father.  My comfort was in The Mother Goddess being the most powerful figure.  In this comfort zone, I could explore that The Father God of modern witchcraft was not the same bully that was presented to me in Catholicism.  This was a nicer version of a male Deity.

When Jesus was presented to me as another vegetation god, a sacrificial god….that gave me a whole different perspective.  If Jesus was originally presented as another aspect of the Nature God, then he was a much more benevolent creature than what had been presented to me in my childhood past.  In eclectic Witchcraft, there are parallels between Jesus the Christ and Horus as well, which suddenly made the idea of this Christ presence more palatable to me.  I’ve always been more pragmatic in my approach towards spirituality and magick.  I want immediate results and effects.  I can’t say that I was as interested in historical accuracy as much as finding gods and angels that worked for me, on a very personal level.  I didn’t care if there was any real, historical Jesus to be found in history….I had already been having a personal, internal experience with him and because of him.

My family had made sure that Jesus was associated with punishment and fear.  I already had Jesus so woven into the threadwork of my mental landscape, that I couldn’t throw him out completely.  Since I already had him imprinted so strongly into my emotional structure, I wanted to work with him in a more functional way.  When I found Leo Louis Martello’s “Witchcraft: The Old Religion”, I gained the idea that Jesus was seen as a more benevolent figure in the early Catholic Church….much like the Father God of the pagans.  I began to gently accept the possibility that Jesus could have (originally) been another manmade representation of the Masculine principle within Nature.

All of the negative things that were presented to me, with Jesus as a justification, were suddenly invalid.  I lost my belief that Jesus was an independent spirit, with intentions of punishing, withholding or controlling me in any way.  Now, there was two Jesuses–Jesus, the sacrificial god, son of the Goddess….AND the childhood thoughtform of Jesus that people held over me as a threat, if I didn’t conform to their ideas in some way.

Since I am no longer afraid that Jesus is an overpowering, independently-acting spirit, I can sometimes work with his image in my workings….mostly, when I think his energy will be compatible and familiar to the people that are going to experience it.

There are different schools of thought when working with the manifest gods.  There are those people who believe that the gods of mythology are actual, independent entities….spirits with their own consciousness and free will.  Then there are those of us that believe that the gods are thoughtform-constructs, which is how we can have different versions of the gods (Hecate, Venus, Jesus, The Devil and so on) “acting out” in different ways in our individual lives.

To some magicians, the manifest gods are essentially servitors or genies, carrying out individual prayers or requests.  To those who have faith that Jesus will fulfill their prayers, Jesus is a good thoughtform to work with.  To keep from mixing manifestations, the magician can work with Jesus in his various aspects–The Good Shepard, The Divine Child, Santo Nino de Atocha….  There are even more modern  “found gods” variations, such as found in Latin America….Jesus the Doctor, for example.

Another interesting way of working with the Jesus thoughtform is through the process of godform assumption.  Taking on the energy of what one would assume the Christ would have and intending how the surrounding environment (including people) reacts to that is worth trying out as an exercise.  This can be an especially healing exercise to reclaim all the power that was projected onto our childhood projections of Jesus.


Why I Still Love Love Magick….In Spite of All The Judgements, Criticism, Sneers and Bitchy Remarks

I still don’t have Prince Charming…but, my understanding of Love has changed and evolved over the years.  It might seem that I have become more cynical towards my fellow human…but, maybe I’m just actually more realistic.  I’ve given up on finding someone outside of myself to complete me, to fill in my missing pieces.  But, in doing so, I have become much more self-reliant.  I experience a larger degree of love, for much longer periods of time.  Lovers come and go, but Love Itself has become more of a constant.

Where do we get this idea of that perfect mate that is supposed to come in and fill us?  I didn’t get it from any of the real-life examples around me.  When I was growing up, my parents were not really a good match.  Nor did I see any of the other marriages or long term partnerships as reflecting any sort of storybook romance.  I didn’t see any real life demonstrations of soulmates, but something about the concept resonated within me.  From wherever I got the idea, I wanted that kind of partnership.

My current joke is that I blame Disney for giving me unrealistic expectations.  Disney and pretty much every other form of media that sells us that idea that someone else will come along and fix me emotionally, regardless of what I have on the table or what I am bringing into the relationship.  Metaphysically speaking, fairy tale romances and princely rescue are contradictory to the energetic rules of manifestation.  Someone who needs to be fixed or rescued is coming from the misperception that they are broken and cannot fix themselves.  (Not to pick on my Catholic upbringing, but I wonder if this is a variation of instant healing that Jesus was supposed to give me once I signed over my soul to him.  This might support the idea that we do not need to do anything to improve ourselves, other than wait for someone to magickally appear and do it for us.)

We can project for others to come into our lives and perform particular acts, including dialog….complimenting us, telling us how much they love us.  But, when we are so convinced that there is something fundamentally wrong with us–that we are damaged, unlovable, unlikable, unattractive, less than others in one way or another–that is our predominant energy and any other thoughtforms which are not of a similar nature will not be able to manifest or stay physically solid in our experience for very long.

Love is Love.  It’s an energy, an essence, a state of being or awareness.  It is not any act in the physical world.  It is not a compliment or an expression, in and of itself.  It is not any form.  We can channel Love into our personal awareness.  We can feel Love.  We can be aware of what it is, how it feels and how far it extends.  We can perform physical actions, expressions, and speak–all inspired from Love.  We can use triggers in the world to remind ourselves to feel Love.  We can attempt to provoke or trick others into feeling Love.

But, Love itself is a completely personal experience.  Completely individual.  When someone is in an unloving space–depressed, mourning, angry, despondent, stressed, tired, apathetic–they do not and cannot immediately resonate with that energy.  If their vibration is too far away from the vibration of Love, they will not be able to feel it.  Best bet is to try to provoke someone’s triggers (excuses, rationalizations) for feeling Love, so that they can work up their awareness to that again.  If our techniques for making someone feel loved worked, then we would have absolute control over someone else’s feelings.  Our loved ones would always be in a good mood, if we could help it.

Love doesn’t go anywhere.  It doesn’t come from anywhere.  We make up thoughts and reasons as to why we can feel it and why we cannot feel it.  We don’t work with Love directly.  We work with our personal obstacles in our awareness and allow ourselves to perceive this Universal Essence.

It doesn’t matter where the desire to feel Loved comes from.  My personal guess is that Love Itself is the essence of The Creator/Creatrix.  My personal opinion is that it is simply our natural state, our natural essence.  To want to be aware of that is simply to want to rest in our natural state.

To be human, experiencing a human lifetime on this earthly plane, we limit ourselves by hiding parts of our awareness from ourselves.  The Universe never changes–we change how much we can see at any time, what we want to be aware of.  Part of the earthly illusion is coming to false conclusions about causality and connection.  We still have the instinct to fully feel Love, but because we perceive that we are “cut off” to some degree from our Creator and the full self-experience of our personal spirits….we give causal powers to the people and the environments around ourselves, to “affect” our feelings.  In our faulty thinking, we take power away from our individual awareness and give power to the people that we have in our lives.

We often conclude that we can’t feel Love until a present, in-real-life person (or an imaginary person, who will show up in our lives at some undisclosed future time) performs certains acts–which can include anything and everything from spending time with us, giving us enough attention through specific acts, telling us very particular words (phrases or dialog) or making us cookies.

To make matters more complicated, people tie up a lot of other concepts with feeling Love, Itself.  The experience of Love is a meditative one, it is an awareness of the Energy of the Universe, Itself.  However, being as complicated as human personality is, we’ve attached other issues and ideas to this experience.  Some of us have made emotional healing equivalent to feeling loved.  Some of us have also combined sex with love in a way that we cannot feel loved until we are having sex or are with someone who would have sex with us.

The problem equating emotional wholeness with feeling loved is that there is an equal trap on all sides.  Someone who identifies as emotionally damaged is projecting their wounds and (eventual) negative expressions of those wounds as thoughtforms in their energy.   The only people who are attracted to these energies have similarly negative energies in their own energy bodies that they need to play out as well, in the forms of unhealthy relationships or interactions.  Wounded people and non-wounded people do not come together in a relationship, unless it is specifically a therapeutic one….client/patient and healer.

Best case scenario is that someone who comes in to rescue or heal a damaged personality will stay around only as long as they are able to rescue/heal.  Once the victim heals or does better, then the personal energies of the two persons are no longer compatible.  Rescuers need to rescue.  Healers need to heal.  The former rescuer will most likely leave since they cannot rescue or heal anymore.  The alternative to this will be that  their personal issues will then have that empty space to manifest in the place of the now-missing issues of the former victim–the rescuer will now take the place of the victim.

As far as equating Love with sex, this might be because of that state of Wholeness one can reach in a really good orgasm.  Even a meditative attitude towards the sex act can become a spiritual experience.  That higher awareness can be found within sex, as well as directly meditating on Love.  Complete immersion into Pleasure, abandon and leaving the mind behind are all meditative techniques.  Alternate pathways for raising awareness.  What we are not taught is that one does not need to be with another person at all in order to meditate on these same energies.  Pleasure, Abandon, Mindfulness and Meditation are all things that can be experienced in direct meditation.  Waiting for physical prompts (such as a lover is possible, but not mandatory.

Meditating and Identifying with the Universal State and Energies of Love is a more direct method of Self-Awakening.  Some metaphysicians believe that that is the point of existence, to remember our spiritual nature….the state of being Love, regardless of any and all physical circumstances.  Not all of us are in the mental space where we can meditate on the essence of awakening.  Some of us are still in the state of understanding, the belief that we must come to these happinesses and higher states only through physical experience and through the physical interaction with others.

Rather than wait until we can come to that awareness that it is the essence of the experience of Love that we want, not a particular person….in my opinion, it is more productive to move forward, even if we are stumbling.  Healing and Self-Awareness come on winding pathways.

According to some metaphysical interpretations, we have the driving instinct to experience this perfect state of being Loved.   Many of us do whatever we think we have to do, within the limitations of our personal ethical and social restraints, to feel loved by someone else.  Mixed in with that, we also naturally become attracted to those negative experiences which we associate with Love relationships.  In those negative relationships, we have the opportunity to work out those issues and negative repeating patterns that prevent us from having a satisfying experience.

Keeping these concepts in mind, I would advise the magician to throw themselves completely into any sort of Love Magick that they feel attracted to–with some conditions.  Question and mentally explore the internal motivations and possible outcomes of all desires, first and foremost.  Use every motivation, desire and intention to move forward in emotional healing.  If there is still a strong desire to work out issues through or with another person–cast any spell that you are drawn to.  One theory is that spells involving other people only manifest if all parties’ guardian spirits and guiding consciousness see benefit from the physical or energetic manifestation of the spell.

An important factor to be aware of is that in the manifest universe, there is always opportunity for expansion of consciousness and self-empowerment in any situation.  Furthermore, any spell can only take root in one’s personal reality if they have enough compatible energy for that spell to seed in.  A curse will not affect a target who is at a very high, positive vibration…..just as a blessing will not affect someone who is at a very low, negative level of vibration.  Any spell of Influence can only work if there is something compatible within the recipient.  Spells do not always work, especially when there is no supporting energy in the situation.

Even if love spells do not manifest at all in changes in the physical world, it is excellent to gauge one’s personal obstacles to get insight into which energies one is actually immersed in–are they too negative?  What caused you to want to perform the spell and what is your reaction to it working or not working?  What is your relationship to the energies of Love, Joy, Pleasure and Expansion, in and of Themselves?  Are they something that you can relate to experiencing, right now?  The end results are how we are transformed as individuals–our personal, internal experience.


Why do we need to be spiritual, anyway? And, what the heck does that mean, in the first place?

Like many other Pagans, I have come to my own interpretation of what spirituality is. Over time, I’ve come to my particular version of a spiritual pathway over time. I’ve collected aspects, ideas from different systems that I’ve come across…I’ve tried them out, played with them in my head, discarded what didn’t work for me, modified others until they felt right for me.  Even if we don’t start off as Eclectic, it seems that most of us end that way.

I don’t believe in a “God” with a personality. Divine dictate doesn’t make sense to me. Whatever reality is, I don’t relate to the idea that there is any higher being which is making judgements on how we live our human life. What doesn’t fit in with my logic is that if we were created to follow certain rules and regulations, why were we created WITHOUT the desire or inclination to do so? We were created flawed, in that case (disobedient children)….and then being punished by the Being that created us as flawed.

For many people, being “spiritual” is the same thing as being religious. This means that they follow the rules of their tradition–Christian or otherwise–and attend or perform rituals on an appointed timeline. When we are introduced to any particular religion, we often follow it because we accept that it is the correct thing to do. Other times, we have a fear of punishment, either from the presiding deity (“God”) or social repercussions from the surrounding public. In the viewpoint of the magician, we construct a thoughtform that we consider “God” from the descriptions of our families and our churches. We come to expect God to behave a certain way….and the manifest world to enact this God’s will, in the form of our personal experience.

Sometimes, we have something that passes as a “spiritual experience”–a peak energetic/magickal, emotional or physical sensation. We get excited in a way that we never have before and we assume that that is “God” touching us.  Whether one interprets this as that humans are hard-wired to seek pleasure or that as spiritual beings, we are intuitively drawn to the finer energies such as Love or Joy, Expansion or Wholeness….the experience of highly pleasurable sensations are sometimes confused as an experience of the divine. When something feels so good, it might be the MOST pleasurable that the particular being can experience….as long as it fits within the mental construct of what a person was taught was acceptable. If there is too much guilt or other negative thinking associated with that act, then the “rightness” of the sensation is negated.

Here in my hometown, there are charismatic practitioners of a church who are very devoted to their church meetings. They work in groups called “communities”. There is the safety of being socially accepted within a group–along with the feeling of inclusion/specialness of being in one group and not another community. This feeling of inclusion can be found in covens, prayer groups, study groups as well. It is being one of “God’s chosen ones”, but on a smaller level.

We often talk ourselves into being special. Whether that is being part of a particular religion, specific tradition, that we have special powers/gifts, found the right church or coven….or had a dream/vision/feeling/insight that some devil/angel/god has a special mission, purpose or plan for us…some of us feel the need to unique or different. This need to justify specialness works on at least two levels–negative and positive.

If we did not feel special growing up or our need to feel special is not being met in our adult lives, then our complex mental-emotional structures might come up with a line of thinking which justifies why we should be able to think that someone else/others need to believe that we are special.  Specialness is tied into the concept of self-worth.  If we cannot believe that we have enough worth or value for any reason, our fragile ego will come up with a justification for why others need to believe that we are valuable in some way.

To be fair about my vantage point, the concept that I work with is that I perceive that in this spiritual universe, our identity is Spirit.  Any experience which is not completely of the essence of Spirit requires the limitations of human thoughts and human emotions–which are temporary and belong to the world of limited form.  Although much beauty can be perceived and experienced in this physical plane, it is only temporary, changeable and does not include the truth of Spiritual Completeness.  That being said, anything more directly related to human life, including individual history and personality, can reflect beauty….but, is subject to change, can be distracted from and cannot include the entirety of it.  A bad analogy is that of a looking glass–we can hold up a mirror to reflect the sun rising over a field of flowers on a hill.  The size of the mirror is  comparable to the length of a human lifetime–that beauty which it is reflecting is the eternity of Life, Itself.

Some people feel the need to express their personal mythology and story to others, in order to get a reaction….approval or to make an impression of some sort.  There is a delicate line between sharing your personal story to be helpful (inspiring) and to make an impression.  There is nothing wrong with having a personal mythology, if the end result is that it makes you a more peaceful, more loving being.  Personal mythology may change over time.  In the mind of the magician, these images can be changed out when they are no longer inspiring….myths and the gods, themselves are only doors and passageways to deeper experiences of Beauty.

When one needs to get the reaction of others, approval or otherwise, it might be that one is hinging one’s personal validation on the people around him, not sincerely investing in personal experience.  The ability to keep one’s personal mythology to one’s self and derive strength, inspiration and guidance from it could be considered to be the true test of its validity.  When one’s spirituality only has value when other people react to it….one might have to ask if they are using their “spirituality” as a tool to manipulate the emotional reactions of others.

So, what is spirituality?  Let’s be completely honest.  We are all just hedging our best bets.  I could claim that I know intuitively what is my mission or that my spirit is telling me that my particular pathway is what Spirit is leading me through, at the moment.  Either of those might be true.  I have no way of proving it with any hard evidence.  When I practice, I feel peace….I feel love.  I experience what I would term “positive” energy.  As a side effect to my inner peace and joy, my physical experiences are more positive.  My intentions manifest in the world with much more frequency and detail.  But, I couldn’t say that my way is the only way or the best way.  I don’t believe that any particular set of images or imaginary storyline works better than any other.

Any religion can work.  With our belief invested into any particular religion, tradition or pathway….the individual can manifest enough evidence to justify their particular viewpoints.  Our fears are included.  Our worries about punishing deities or  spiritual “rules” are enough attention to cause them to manifest, as well.


Why Love Magick Doesn’t Work*…And Why We Should Keep Practicing It Like Crazy–

[*why it doesn’t work like we think it should]


I am a huge fan of Love Magick.  I love the tools and ingredients associated with this form of spellcasting.  I love the roses, the aventurine, the rose quartz, the pink/red/green/orange, Venus and the Moon, water and fire….I loved that part of the movie Practical Magic, where Gillian said that she couldn’t wait to fall in love.  I’ve cast spells that have been met with amazing accuracy….a check list of qualities that have manifested in exact detail.  I’ve casually read a spell from a book and had it manifest, without lighting any candles or burning any incense.  It is the anticipation of what COULD happen that is so inspiring and the confirmation that something did happen, because of my desire.

I’ve come up with many theories about why Love Magick is valuable, why it has value in our arsenal of spellcraft tools.  Most of these theories have come about because of my own personal self-exploration, usually within the context of my spiritual growth.  Some of these theories are complete guesses, working hypothesis–some are still valid…some might be applicable at different times, in particular areas of my life.

I’m still not married.  At the moment, I don’t have a regular boyfriend.  Why have I not gotten frustrated with the whole idea of Love Magick after all those candles I’ve burned, all that incense I’ve set on fire, stones I’ve energized and angels/devas/gods I’ve called?  Because of my context, my framework, my way of understanding the world, myself and the cosmos.

Being in love has nothing to do with another person.

Don’t get me wrong.  I will manifest another love, another love interest, another  relationship.  But, the way that I have come to perceive physical reality is that our worldly interactions (physical, emotional and mental) are a reflection of what we carry inside of ourselves.  What we carry inside of ourselves includes conscious and unconscious, present and deep-rooted past, thoughts, emotions, feelings, fears, hopes, wishes.  Whatever shows up at our doorstep….however we immediately react to it…AND how we eventually respond to it are all found in our psyche.  This is not blaming the victim…because we have a wealth of internal resources that we can draw on to react and respond in any way conceivable.  Through reflection, meditation, self-growth and self-empowerment, we can learn how to respond in better and better ways to the same stimulus.

When we are born into this world, we come in with particular limitations….these are reflected as the scenario known as “home”, in whichever form we find it.  False ideas are taken on–that, as spiritual beings, are only job is to expand beyond them and reclaim (remember) our spiritual nature….way beyond our human personality and human potential.  As spirit, we are loved, loving and Love, Itself.  One metaphysical theory is that we are constantly and intuitively trying to reaffirm that state of Love.

Because humans use the outside world to justify internal reaction, we “fall in” with the perfect partners….they reflect our negative perceptions and human obstacles, while at the same time maybe reflecting some of the hopes and wishes we have for eventually experiencing that state of pure Spiritual Love, that is our essence.

One of my theories was that people who tend to cast a lot of love spells are instinctively attempting to heal their emotional bodies.  My theory is that these love magick-loving magicians are attempting to eventually flood their energy bodies with high-vibration essence to replace the illusory hurts that are taken on in a temporary human lifetime.

Part of the impetus to cast a love spell is the fantasy of what will happen once “true love”, a “soulmate” or “Prince/ss  Charming” manifests.  We justify touching on that Love/Satisfaction/Fulfillment energy that IS ALREADY INSIDE OF US, when we dwell on why we want to perform an act of love magick.  On an energy, feeling or awareness level, we are already experiencing that state–without a physical form or event to justify feeling it.

We might make a list of which qualities we want to experience in the beloved or in our relationship with them.  However, with EVERYTHING that we experience in this physical world, the thoughts and feelings that we associate with “love” and relationships will also manifest in some form with the love spell.  Rather than become frustrated that our spell did not manifest completely (purely) in the form that we CONSCIOUSLY attempted, it is another wonderful opportunity to explore the flaws in our regular, everyday perception.

Magick is a way of making our unconscious conscious.  A good magician understands that self-exploration is the key to personal evolution.  Ultimately, it’s all about being Spirit, remembering and expressing real Spiritual being….not theories or philosophies.  Magick makes thoughts and feelings concrete, good, bad, ugly and beautiful.  Love magick generously allows us to see HOW MUCH BEAUTY WE CAN EXPRESS, while showing us the obstacles that we can eliminate to allow even more in.



How Spiritual Is Spiritual? The Spirit, Manifestation and Focus

  • ….what does “spiritual” mean, anyways?

    What is the meaning and purpose of life? To be honest, I have been a little bothered by that concept, lately. When I first started on what I understand as a “spiritual pathway”, I thought that the more spiritual that I became, the more that my physical life was going to be easier. I had this idea that I would feel calmer, centered, expanded, peaceful, blissful and loved. That was the general concept that meant that I was spiritual. Also, I had every expectation that that would translate into having a lot of money and a comfortable life, doing whatever it was that I loved for a living.

    My expectation was also that once I was “spiritual”, I would be in perfect health….and if I was totally honest, I also expected a few super powers….mostly psychic ones. (Ahem.)

    Looking at the metaphysical community, the vampire community, the pagan community….I can see that there is more of an emphasis on “powers” and “abilities” than there is on being “spiritual”. There is more talk on technical techniques in magick, psychic talents and various other metaphysical phenomena….even what passes as communion with angels/gods/demons is really just making thoughtforms. Most of our communion with non-physical beings is really just interacting with astral servitors in the shape and form of Athena, Beelzebub, Michael and Lucifer.

    Is it even important to be Spiritual? To be honest, I’m not really sure where I exactly got the idea. Was it from eastern yogic philosophy or new thought? And why should I be Spiritual? What does it even mean?


    When I was younger, I think that I had the idea that I was supposed to do what “God” wanted….that was what being spiritual meant. In exchange for following all of the rules and regulations, I would be rewarded with getting blessed in the physical world. When my prayers weren’t answered with physical manifestation, I was still assured that there would be my riches in heaven.  A trust fund that I could dip into, once I was dead.


    As my religious symbology and personal mythology changed, I think I adapted some of the earlier concepts.  Somewhere, I think my brain translated that into physical blessings being the demonstration for being spiritual. The only way that I could really gauge that I was making spiritual progress was if my magick created real-world changes.

    As I studied further, I came to realize that obstacles to manifestation (of experience) were in the form of thoughts and emotions/feelings. The same things that manifested as personality limitations were what affected how smoothly magick worked. Also, communion with Spirit relied on how easily we could leave behind the thoughts and feelings of the everyday world.


    When I began to commune with The Great Mother, being spiritual meant being entirely aware and focused on The Spirit, Herself. Being spiritual means the pure experience of the essence of Spirit….unconditional Love, unbridled Joy, unending Peace. It is an experience that has nothing to do with the physical, mental or emotional world.

    The reason we have no lasting happiness in the world is because the world and everything in it does not represent completeness.  Limitation is necessary for manifestation.  That is the nature of the physical world.

    Any physical form, thought or feeling is not the entirety of the Universe. Happiness is only happiness. It has no form other than itself. We can add Joy to everyday life. We can bring Joy to the table. We can remember to be aware of Joy, but we cannot find it hiding in the everyday world…..Joy has no form. Joy is Joy. That’s it.  We add it to the world.  Our mistake is in assuming that we have to unveil it already hidden in forms or experiences.

    The wonderful thing about magick and manifestation is that they can be great tools for reminding us of Spirit.  Spells let us play with the world of form, to make it easier to remember the Divine.  Magick is not spiritual, in and of itself….but, it helps us take pressure off of our thought/feelings/energy, so that we can refocus on Spirit.

    To be Spiritual is to be aware of that Wholeness before/beyond form or physical-world experience.  It is the option of being aware of that state.  I am not spiritual because I am trying to please any deity outside of myself.  I am spiritual because it feels like a natural place to be.